Strippers and Love

This blog is a fucking mess. I kinda like it that way tho. It's nice to think that I get paid a little bit to post as well. Didn't see that coming. But anywho. I've decided today that this blog is going to be dedicated to my ramblings, nothing more (because I don't have too much more to offer than that) and nothing less.

If I could go back in time I would probably not expose my identity, only because I hate letting people in. Even as write I cringe at the thought of sharing this post, so I figure it's probably good for me to share.

I know it's not a big deal to pour your heart on out on the internet for a bunch of strangers and a few old classmates you haven't spoken to in years to see. (hope you caught that sarcasm) But really.

I admire all the people who keep it real on the internet and expose their insecurities, flaws and embarrassing moments.  We all do. We're drawn to them. Because they seem to have something we don't have. Which is the ability to not give a fuck and make it worthwhile.

You see I was born with a special not giving a f*ck gene that has carried me throughout all the crazy and daring moments in my life, but somehow when I go to share things online I freeze up. But at the same time that's why I love to do it. It's a rush, the fear, avoidance and unexplainable obligation I feel to post is my drug. Well one of them. Totally kidding. Calm down, I don't do drugs.

You see, the internet puts people in their place. Everyone is going to be able to find out what you're up to - if you're doing well or not doing shit at all. I've done things just to be able to post a picture on Facebook  or Instagram or Twitter and get likes, but is that really so bad?

I think it's time that people got a little more real, a little more bold and less scared to share their stories and be open and honest with the world. I figured out a long time ago that it doesn't pay to hold things in, eventually you'll burst.

You gotta use your struggles, your stories of triumph and trial and error to make the world a better place. Otherwise you're just wasting space (and probably working a job you hate because you haven't explored your passions and found a way to provide value in a lucrative and fulfilling way).

Everyone claims to be real yet has these locked up profiles on private, with stiff uncreative pictures of themselves and their "friends" - how about you post what you really want to post instead of the bullshit politically correct stuff that everyone else is posting.

Stop being like everyone else. Stop trying to fit in and just do you. Whatever that may be. If you truly want to be a boring typical member of society with no real goals, no real drive or ambiton

I know I can be a harsh bitch. It's my gift and curse. But I'm gonna keep running with it, it's what I do. So that's all I got for now.

fun moments (un edited)

my favorite moments are the ones that you know must come to an end. dating the guy you know is no good for you. chugging your 5th beer for the night. staying up until 3am when you have to be up at 7 the next day. the moments that you swear are the reason you're alive yet really do nothing for your existence.

But these superficial moments, the bike rides through central park, the zip lining through the national park,scuba diving in Mexico, they mean something. Those are the moments that you are really living, that you are really awake and alive and experiencing all the joy this life has to offer.

I firmly believe that. We work hard to play hard. make money just to spend it. and if that's all there is to life then I've done a good job.

Sometimes I think back on all the moments I could've caught on film, the outfits that turned heads, the conversations that made my mind race. and I wish I could share them with you. but I can't, and that's what makes them all the more wonderful. knowing that the time you spent can never be duplicated or re experienced, that everything was panned out in perfect timing to create a particular mood or feeling that you manifested.

You see I believe that you can have whatever you want and if you don't know what you want you're still going to end up in the crazy little pictures you painted in your head.

our imaginations carry more weight in our actuality than we give credit for and that is a fact. I on the other hand must be up at 5am. It's 10:26pm on a Sunday night, and I just came from a Thai resturant and before that I was at brunch popping bottles with some cool promoters and party people, and before that one of my friends from college fed me pancakes, and before that I was cleaning my cute little harlem 1 bedroom.

I can't believe all that happened in a day, but I'm glad I did. I needed the alcohol, the sugar and extra calories. The chance to wear exactly what I wanted and be praised for it instead of judged. The chance to put on a full face of makeup and run around Manhattan looking for a good time. These are the moments I live for, and if that's all I got, at least I can say I had fun.

Well that's all I Got for now. I'm off to bed,

xoxo, drunkly yours

AminaZena

No Body Is Perfect

One thing I've learned from working as a personal trainer is that everyone has hang ups about their body.  I've found that even the most "perfect" looking people find something to pick at, and as I've experience my own changes I've come to realize that the more in shape you get the more critical you become.

 The first thing I do when I begin working with someone is sit down and ask them their goals, I take their weight and body fat and we talk about why they want to work with me in the first place.

"I want to lose weight, tone up and be healthy" is pretty much the initial response I get. Basic. No depth. People tell me that at first because they don't want to expose their insecurities, but I see right through it and dig deeper. I'll ask why, do they have an event, a wedding coming up? Sometimes that is the answer and that is pretty self explanatory- wanting to look your best as you walk down the aisle makes sense, but I don't only work with brides and grooms, I would be broke as a joke if that was the case.

I continue to ask questions, because that's my job and that's who I am. Anyone who I'm friends with in real life knows that I'm wide open, I keep it "real" so to speak, uncensored and I like a good conversation. I'm genuinely interested in people, I love to listen just as much as I love to talk and that's what makes me great at what I do. Personal training is, well, personal so in order for me to train my clients in the best way possible I have to know them, who they are, what makes them tick. 

After 5-10 minutes minutes of asking the same question in about 10 different ways the wall starts to fall down a little bit, and they start grabbing their belly fat and telling me about their flabby arms and wanting to get back in shape because they just broke up, or they were always picked last in gym class, or they want to build muscle to impress their cute coworker, or they're depressed and need something to help them get out of a slump, or they need to be on point for an upcoming show.

And although I know that anyone and everyone- celebrities and professional athletes included- can improve their physical appearance and athletic capabilities I sometimes ask myself why certain people have sought out my services. Believe me, I appreciate their business, but sometimes catch myself wondering how such an athletic and good looking person comes to me with such insecurities.

I work with some women who have great bodies, dime pieces, could be models, curves in all the right place, no cellulite, flat stomach, already toned, who look in the mirror and say that their shoulders are too broad or that their legs are too skinny or their boobs are too big. I work with guys who have poppin 6 packs and say that they feel weak and undefined. And sometimes I  even catch myself wishing, if only my thighs were a little tighter, my arms a little more sculpted, my abs a little flatter. 

It's easy to indulge in feeling bad about yourself, but it won't get you anywhere. The worse you feel about yourself the worse you treat yourself. You'll end up eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's 3 nights a week and it just ends up being a vicious cycle that never ends. Nobody is perfect and even someone who appears to be perfect sees flaws. We all feel down from time to time, but that shouldn't be the way you feel all the time. 

When it comes to fitness, you can't just focus on the looks, you'll go crazy if you haven't already. Your goal should be to achieve, to do 5 more pushups this week, to improve your 5k race time by 1 minute, to get up to your 5th floor walk up without losing your breath and the improved looks will come. It's a package deal; get better at doing something in the gym and you'll look better as a result. Make fitness strictly about fitness and you'll end up looking better than you thought you ever could - I know this first hand.

This is my before and after, even though some people might think I was fat before I thought I looked good, and all of my workouts were based on fitness goals, and not aesthetic goals.  I ended up looking better without really tying because working out was and still is all about fitness for me. 

So in the meantime stop criticizing yourself so much and accept the fact that you are amazing just the way you are! You're not perfect and that's okay, and your recent crushes' ex girlfriend who's always posting swimsuit selfies on Instagram isn't perfect either. We're all imperfect but that's what makes us special, that's what gives us our uniqueness, our look, our "thing" that no one else has. So stop being being so hard on yourself and go hard in the gym instead. Eat clean, get your sleep, drink water, workout like a beast and trust that there is more than one person out there who thinks you have a bangin body and would love to grind up on ya in the club all night long!

That's all I got for now. Go check out my YouTube channel and Instagram page for more fitness stuff!

XoXo, 

 AminaZena

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